A fielding position is more than just a place on the cricket field. It says much more about you as a person. See what your position says about you!
Wicketkeeper – Probably the fattest on the team. Years of not wanting to do any running in warm-ups or in the game have pushed you to be the proverbial “wheelie bin” behind the sticks. Anything down the leg side is usually waved by followed by a stare-off between you and the bowler, with the latter believing that one less steak bake pre-game would’ve made you more agile. He is wrong, it was a shit ball.
First slip – Captain, also possibly the second fattest on the team. You use your powers and avid love for test cricket to stamp your authority on the game by refusing to chase after any ball. No one questions why you have been stood there for 47 overs when only one catch has gone to you in 6 years, and yet you dropped that.
Gully – Best hands in the team, Not much to say about this position, usually a quiet person and takes most catches, have been known to hurl some abuse at the batsman, shocking everyone on the pitch.
Point – You think you’re the best fielder, the next Jonty Rhodes perhaps, but really, you’re just square leg when the left-hander is on strike.
Cover – Loves diving, not in the team for anything other than doing the running that no one else wants to do. The one man you’ll see grazing the boundary towards the end of the innings, reckons he has a bullet arm but has no clue which direction it’s going. No one knows his first name, always known by his nickname.
Extra Cover – The angry man. We all know one of these guys, suffers from a bout of little man syndrome, a middle-aged man with no hair and a bulldog stature. He uses his weekend to get away from the wife, who is invariably twice his height and width.
He takes all his stress out from the week by abusing the opposition and is often heard calling anyone younger than 18, “young-un” to impose his importance on his own team mates. Bowls part-time pies, simple but effective send off of “f**k off” and has a WKD in hand after the game, no one has seen him smile when sober since 1978.
Mid Off – The wise man. Not the captain, he can’t be arsed with the bureaucracy but has played to a much higher standard than he is now. The rumours go around that he “would have played for England if he didn’t do his knee in at 16”. The man at extra cover is always trying to be his best mate and everyone knows it, always buys him a pint after the game.
This bloke is easily the most respected in the team and even if he tells the bowler that he bowled the last one too short after being pulled for six, the bowler agrees as if he wasn’t aware of It already. He might get a few quid on the side just to keep him from retiring
Mid On/Mid Wicket – The youngest. The promising young batsman that’ll do anything out of fear after he was mentally scarred by the amount of naked men in the changing rooms after his debut at age 15. He does all the chasing of the ball on the leg side and the wicketkeeper will always shout “someone go halfway” as he runs after the ball.
Square Leg – no two ways about it, you are the worst fielder in the team. The one place no one wants to be. You may stop it if the ball goes straight to you, but not with your hands, probably your belly. You have the turning circle of a 50 ton lorry and mid wicket is always there to cover you. Definitely making the numbers up, black socks on but the nicest person on the team. First in the showers, last out, the only time he gets out of his house.
Fine leg – The old man. The scorer's dad that always has his kit in the car (just in case) and fields the first 5-10 overs whilst everyone waits for that bloke that’s always late. Used to be good in 1953 but had shoulder reconstruction surgery 10 years ago. No longer has the ability to throw the ball but bowls the ball from the boundary to get it back.
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